This time of year can feeling overwhelming for many. While some love the hustle and bustle of the season, it’s okay if you don’t.
I’ve always celebrated Christmas in my family, so this is the holiday I’m referring to in this post because it gives context to my experiences. I acknowledge there are other celebrations at this time of year, and there is no disrespect meant to anyone who celebrates the holidays in a different way.
At Christmas, I love the lights, the decorating, the baking, and buying and wrapping gifts for my loved ones, and the magic of the season. I’d get excited, decorate early, and my kids and I always enjoyed opening presents together on Christmas morning.
This year, everything felt different. I felt different. I had no desire to bake or decorate, and motivation to shop for gifts was nowhere to be found. I took some time to sit with myself, and this is what surfaced.
Money has always been tight for me, and while I’ve had everything I’ve ever needed, it didn’t mean my mind always thought so. Christmas exacerbated the feeling as I’d try my best to attain the perfect gift for everyone, get everywhere that was expected of me, and make it special for my kids. I wondered if I’d learned how to make it special for myself.
A few years ago, we had to move out of our home prior to Christmas due to renovations from storm damage. We were unable to celebrate in our home and the kids and I had to make the best of it. Then the pandemic hit, we sold that house, and unbeknownst to us, our last Christmas in that house – well, none of us knew it had been the last.
During the pandemic, we weren’t able to visit with family and friends the way we normally did, and we had to find a new normal. Needless to say, we’ve had a lot of unprocessed stress and changes we had to unpack.
The past few months, I’ve been dealing with the physical ramifications of unprocessed stress. I’m feeling much better now, but it means that I see the world, and myself, differently. Since my kids were older, I spoke to them about it and shared my feelings. We had a heart to heart about what everyone felt they could afford, since I wasn’t the only one going through a transition. We decided to keep things low-key, and lo and behold – I got some of my “Christmas spirit” back.
When I reflect on my childhood, my parents bent over backward to get us what we wanted for Christmas. I am grateful to them for all they’ve given us over the years, but I wonder if there’s been an emotional cost, one I have no idea about. Money was tight for us growing up, and I wondered if I had repeated a pattern of trying to show my children everything was okay by trying to get them what they wanted at Christmas. Since my kids are all older now, I took the time this year to talk with my kids about not getting stuck in tradition if it isn’t serving us, and that we should be able to have these conversations as the years go on. It helped everyone move into the spirit of the season a bit more.
I guess what I’m trying to convey is that if you’re not feeling in the “spirit” of the season, that’s okay. There is a lot going on in the world right now, so if you’re having trouble feeling the same about anything – you are not alone.
You are allowed to feel whatever you’re feeling in the moment. I wish for you to be able to have the time to examine your emotions and release what is no longer serving you. I hope you find some peace and time for reflection. And if you need some naughty, romantic reading material, check out my books page!
Peace and blessings to all!
~Kellie
Kellective Creations 