Life changes all the time. Sometimes it feels like change is slow, especially when we’ve been working toward a goal. Then we have the sudden changes that we aren’t expecting, and life asks us to pivot on the spot.
Change can feel hard because of our attachment to things. For example, I love teaching Qigong. We have one class with a small group of core students. Yesterday, we got word from the centre we teach at that we may have to cancel the class due to low registration. People we’d expected to register again suddenly couldn’t, and I admit I’m sad at the prospect of not being able to do it again. I couldn’t attend last week, and the thought didn’t occur to me that I wouldn’t be back for another session.
Intellectually, I understand these things happen. But my emotions are a different story, and one that I honour. I had a whole gamut of emotions run through me. I didn’t want to disappoint the people who wanted to come back even though it was out of my control. I love teaching and I was sad that the class we’d worked hard to build wouldn’t happen. I enjoy the participants, having gotten to know them over several sessions. While we have options to continue in other fashions, it’s felt a bit like starting over.
On the other hand, my partner and I are building some big stuff. We have more going on in our lives than these classes. We are taking our time to build some lasting things, and perhaps it’s time to shift my perception. There is always a way to build things in different ways, and I don’t want to get stuck only seeing something one way.
Our family has undergone changes as well as my oldest has a new position at a company, all of my kids have significant others now and other important things in their lives. I’ve had to let go and transition into this new phase of life and motherhood, so perhaps I want to hang on to these classes instead of going with the flow. We’ve had a few hiccups at the centre, and while I love the people I teach, it may not be the ideal location as once we’d thought.
I keep reminding myself that it’s okay to do what is best for me, and not get stuck in doing what other people want. It’s okay for me to grieve for what I thought I wanted as I move into what feels more of a fit. It’s okay for me to change my mind as well as my perception on things. The more my abilities heighten and become clearer to work with, the more my life changes. I have an excitement about life that I haven’t felt in a long while, if I’ve ever felt this at all, and I love it. But along with that comes a bit of grieving for things past.
I’m proud of what I’ve built in my life. I’ve gone back to school to study hypnotherapy. I love the class and learning something new to help clients. I’m writing again, but taking my time and not rushing myself. This new creative energy has felt like a long time coming what with having 2 surgeries in two years, not to mention the chaos of the pandemic. I’m taking more time to heal, work on the things that bring me joy, and lean into life and everything it offers.
So, it’s okay for things to change. It’s perfectly fine to feel sad when it does. While I know the feeling won’t last, and I honour the process as I honour myself.
~Kellie
This week on the podcast, I take people on an inner child meditation for love and healing. Let me know what you think. You can find it on Spotify or your favourite podcast platform.
Interested in our Qigong classes? Visit Legendary Living Arts for more info.
On Sunday, March 17th we are hosting a workshop to usher in the spring equinox – Spring into Rebirth! Details can be found HERE
Kellective Creations 