My oldest son came home the other day from a two week work stint out of province. He’s been working rotation all summer – two weeks on and one week off. Every time he comes home, I swear he becomes more of a man – taller, broader, more articulate and thoughtful, strong of heart.
When your son turns 18, they’re just at the beginning of manhood. As a mom, you don’t realize how much yet they will grow in stature and maturity until they do. Since both of my sons are now over 18 – one newly so, the oldest will be 23 later this month – they continue to amaze me as now I’m dwarfed by two over six-foot men who used to look up to me. Now I get the forehead kisses, and they have to stoop to my level to give me a hug, and all of a sudden they have chest and facial hair and rather well-developed muscles.
It’s also a weird thing as a mother to step back and share the attentions of my sons with their girlfriends, who, by the way, are lovely human beings and fit in so well with our family that I have to remind myself they are not actually my daughters.
It’s an adjustment to realize that you are not your son’s only confidante anymore. I was reminded of this when my oldest came home from rotation and spent a day with his girlfriend, and I wasn’t able to see him before I had to leave for a couple of days. While I wasn’t upset I couldn’t see either of them that day, it was a reminder how quickly things change even if they are for the better.
I know I’ll always be an important part of my children’s lives no matter how old they are. But it’s time for me to allow them to have their lives, so I can reclaim more of my energy and have a life outside of them as well. This is the way it’s supposed to be. it’s not my job anymore to guide them through everything. I can support them, but they are supposed to individuate from me and live their lives the way that feels right for them.
I found this quote about being the mother of a grown son and it fits my feelings perfectly:
“If my hug lingers, it’s because I’m remembering you when you were small and your need for me was big. I’m remembering how your hand fit in mine and how your eyes looked when they looked up at me. I’m remembering you. If my hug lingers, it’s because while I’m so proud of the man you’ve become, I just want to hold my little boy a little longer.”
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