Grief

Yesterday, I drove by an eye care place that my partner and I took his father to for an appointment nearly a year ago. It was a wonderful day out – we went Christmas shopping, out for lunch, and back home to the farm overnight. And it hit me that this Christmas would be different with his passing back in March. Even though as a medium, I can still talk with him on the other side, here on the Earth plane, things will be different for the family.

I cried the rest of the ride home, allowing my grief to flow out. By the time I got home, I had returned to a calmer state. I went downstairs to do my laundry, and spied a pile of clothes that a loved one had left there several months ago for me to wash. This person is no longer living with or near any of our family – choices made by substance use disorder and mental health issues. We have tried to get this person help on many occasions, yet our system isn’t designed to handle multiple issues at once, often requiring total sobriety before help is given. For some people, this isn’t an option at the beginning, and one that needs to be addressed systemically and by me in another post.

I fell to my knees and bawled my eyes out. The life they have now isn’t what any of us wanted for them. I allowed myself in the moment to grieve for all that could be and all that is now.

As it turned out, my partner was also grieving and had been triggered to feel his grief in another way. We spent some time talking and crying together. We allowed ourselves to feel vulnerable in the moment without the need to fix it for the other. With grief, there isn’t anything to fix. It must be felt, and often deeply.

For me, acceptance is about allowing ourselves to feel what we do in the moment without it becoming our identity. Grief also gives me a chance to mourn and to give gratitude for the time I did have with people, the memories I will cherish, and a moment to accept that perhaps this part of life didn’t turn out to be what we may have wanted either for ourselves or for someone else.

Today, I can write about it. Yesterday I chose to cry. Tomorrow grief may not be present. It may surface at another time. It is an emotion like any other and when it comes knocking at my door again, I will welcome it in for a cup of tea, celebrate it’s contribution to my existence, and then see it on it’s way until it feels the need to drop in at another time in the future.

Sending love to all of those grieving right now. My love and prayers are with you always. ❤

~Kellie