A Parent of Big Kids

Some of my most meaningful conversations with my children happened at random moments. You cannot predict when your child will ask a question about something they are processing through, or when they want to learn more about an issue, or when they require advice. There were a few times their questions surprised me because it felt out of the blue to me, but obviously it was on their mind, and I don’t get to pick and choose when they’re ready to talk.

On occasion, I would listen and then tell them that I needed a moment to ponder the question to formulate an answer. Of course, that depended on their age, the type of question, as well as give myself time to search the recesses of my brain for relevant information. I would also take time after that to look up information with them so we found more answers together. While I was older, I never pretended I had all the answers, nor did I expect them to listen to everything I said.

It’s helped me develop the type of open relationship with all of my children that I cherish even now. My kids still come to me as a sounding board. They are beings who can and do make choices for themselves, and I appreciate that when they feel stuck, they come to me for my two cents. As I learned early on, what they do with the information I provide is theirs to do with what they will. I couldn’t expect them to make the same choices I did with the same information.

In return, I appreciate their perspective and that they listen to me when I feel stuck on occasion. I don’t proclaim to know everything, even though I know a lot. Sometimes we need someone to listen without judgment, and since I provided that for them, they in turn provide it for me now on occasion. Often we need to hear how something sounds in order to understand more fully how we feel. A loving ear to hear us is all that is required sometimes.

So even though questions may seemingly come out of the blue, I encourage all parents to set aside whatever is on their mind and focus on your kid(s) for the moment. Even if you don’t have the answer, you can listen and sometimes that’s exactly what your child needs. And you make wonderful memories along the way.